the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
