Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
