You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
