i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
