My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
