My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
