Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm going to jail i love you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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