I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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