she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
handjob tips. give me some.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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