I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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