Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My penis needs a shock collar
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
