its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
