Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
