I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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