i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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