Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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