somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom