where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars