I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do