So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.