he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers