Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!