you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED