I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize