i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
