I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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