May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
