You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
