She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
