You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone came in the potted fern
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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