i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
