In the future we'll all be gay
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
