He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
