Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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