OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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