so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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