I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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