My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
