I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
