Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
