I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's always time for handjobs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
