i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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