we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
