I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His hands were made for my vagina.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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