drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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