Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
