We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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