in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
