just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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