If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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