Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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