Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its not stalking. its research.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
