It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
