haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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