I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
