you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
