He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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