did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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