Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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