your thong is hanging out like whoa
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what day is it and did you see me today?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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