he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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