What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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