So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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