..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
