im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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