I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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