This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
