No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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