Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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